Uber Funny Funny Jokes in English for Girlfriend and Boyfriend
me: Can I play some music?
**uber driver:** Yeah, sure.
**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?
What do you call a drunk person trying to unlock their car?
An Uber.
Uber dressed up some of their vehicles as Star Wars Stormtroopers in Manhattan...
I wouldn't mind riding one of those. They won't hit anything.
Taxi drivers seem pretty sad these days...
I guess you could say they're, *uber* depressed.
What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car? The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car?
Uber!
Kalamazoo Uber offering free rides.
Everyone rides shotgun.
What do you call a nice Jewish Lyft driver?
an Uber Mensch.
I want to start up a driving service, similar to Uber, except the drivers are naked...
And name it Puber
Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea?
He drowned in his teepee.
-My Uber Driver
If Oskar Schindler was your Uber fare...
...you'd be Schindler's Lift
What meme do Uber drivers hate?
Do you even Lyft, bro?
You can explore uber vehicle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean uber ftw dad jokes. There are also uber puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day
And it's even better if the uber has heated seats
What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?
Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.
Riding with Uber earlier..
The driver said,
"I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."
Then I said, "Turn Left.
Why can't PC gamers use Uber?
Too many incompatible drivers.
My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."
Dad, you're using Uber.
Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic.
Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.
What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?
Immigrants
Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany
Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.
I'm not saying the rural county I live in is full of hicks but instead of Uber
We have Goober
What kind of car do most philosophy majors drive?
An uber.
Uber
Now that Uber doesn't have a CEO, COO, CFO or CTO, they may finally qualify as a self-driving car company.
Did y'all hear about the wine Uber started making?
It's kinda like a cab but not quite.
Why do uber drivers skip the gym?
Because they don't even lyft.
What do you call a drunk women?
An uber so she can get home safe
I was in a Uber today and the driver said,
"I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"
Then I said "turn left"
I had a really chatty Uber driver today...
He kept saying stuff like, "Who are you and why are you in my car?" and "Please get out or I'll call the cops."
5 stars.
I just had the most clueless Uber driver in Gettysburg, PA
He didn't even know the address.
Why is Uber so weak?
Because they don't even Lyft.
How do you know your Uber driver has another career?
Oh don't worry they'll tell you.
An Uber driver told me "I love my job, I have no boss nobody tells me what to do I love it"
I told him turn next left
I love having sex in the back of a car.
My only problem is that it's really hard to find an Uber driver that'll let me.
My Uber driver's name was Bienvenido
When he was dropping me off I said " Thank you!" and he said "you're welcome" and I said "No, you're welcome."
What did the Nazis think made their genes superior?
Uber alleles.
I tried to be an Uber driver...
Trouble is, my passengers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.
What is the most effective pickup line?
Hello, this is your Uber driver.
In germany after the succes of Uber and Ubereats a new app is rising under elderly folk for finding people to help in your household
They're calling it Ubermensch
My cousin was planning to take an Uber home, but then his phone died.
For lack of a better option, he took out the amount of cash that he thought would cover the cost plus tip, and he asked a stranger, "If I pay you this cash, would you call me an Uber?". The stranger nodded, took the cash, said "You're an Uber!" and walked away.
Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis
iPhone
Amazon
Android
iPod
Yahoo
YouTube
Snapchat
Spotify
Tesla
Skype
Uber
Airbnb
Bitcoin
Fitbit
Emojis
iPad
and
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Croatia
One guy wrote on his FB status:
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
I tried to be an uber driver once.
Problem is, customers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.
I got really wasted and decided that uber was the way to go
But according to the police taxi's only work for drunk people when they AREN'T the driver
A bad uber driver drove from New Zealand to Australia.
He got two stars.
I called Uber eats today
I had them bring me a DiGiorno.
Why would you still take a cab instead of Uber?
Because I'm not going to ask my Uber driver where to get the best hookers in town .
Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar.
None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.
Did you know that taxis in Germany can only pick up customers on special side streets?
They're called Deutschland Uber alleys.
Thanks to Uber Eats, ordering Chinese takeaway for a picnic is as easy as a
wok in the park.
Google just bought Uber.
They are going to rename the company Goober.
Tinder can learn a lot from Uber...
It's much easier to find a ride on Uber
Last night I got so shitfaced the bartender had to call me a cab.
I was uber drunk.
Last time I was working in Dallas, I had picked up these two girls on Uber.
They were talking about sight seeing and various landmarks when we pulled up next to a older brick building that had huge windows at a red light. I noticed the building was empty inside, like it had been cleared and renovated but not occupied. So I pointed it out and told the girls it was the Dallas Air and Space Museum.
How does Uber deliver food during COVID-19 social distancing?
Uber yeets
Why do the police prefer Uber?
Before protesters were always calling them ACAB.
Today was my first day as an Uber driver
and I just dropped off another dude my girls house
If Uber was a drug,
Sometimes we'd have really bad trips
German lawmakers are considering a policy that makes all Uber ride sharing free
If the law passes, then Deutschland will über alles
Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse
Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?
Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.
Going to be saying goodbye to this group that I love so much
I am here to say goodbye, this group has been fantastic but my wife says I spend too much time here and she can't take it anymore. We argued about it and she told me its either her or the group. So I am going to be gone for a few minutes while I help her pack and call her an uber.
I'll be right back
Omg it took an hour for my friend and I to realize that our Uber driver was a celebrity!!
He's even ranked top ten in the list of most desired people in the world by the FBI!
What do you call a bread delivery service
Uber wheats
I saw a dude ordering an Uber as he left the gym
so I asked him, "Do you even Lyft, bro?"
What do you call a black man that is hammered AF that is stumbling to his car from the bar?
An Uber so he can get home safely
What do you call a man with no shins?
An Uber.
I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it...
Because revenge is a dish best served cold
A man rented an uber and and the cabbie arrived exactly on time
The passenger said: "wow you are so punctual just like frank"
Cabbie: excuse me?
Passenger: frank is a great guy, always on time, knows the best restaurants, wear the best clothes, always keeps his promises and never ever treat his family badly.
Cabbie: so is frank your friend or...?
Passenger: no I've never met him but I married his ex wife
What's a YouTuber side job?
Uber.
I took a ride last night, and I guess Uber will just hire anyone now.
I had to sit in the backseat because the driver's guide-dog was riding shotgun.
I went to a car dealership last week and saw a Lamborghini that really caught my eye. I'm just waiting for my paycheck now....
So I can pay for an Uber and go see it again.
I order my ex girlfriend a meal she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it because...
Revenge is a dish best served cold
An Uber driver
I called an Uber, a luxury minivan came.
The driver asked: are you ok with songs from the 60s?
Thought for 3 second, I said: Why not
Then he started to sing...
I got fired from Uber
Apparently they didn't like me going the extra mile.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/uber-jokes.html
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